Beautiful Mess
by His Singer1
Summary: Sequel To The Mess We Made- A Fresh Start For Edward And Bella. Can They Fix The Mess They Made And Find Love Again or will broken trust and the past come to haunt them ? This Time HEA Is Most Definite.
1. Starting Over

**I Don't Own Twilight Or It's Characters, All Property Belongs To Stephenie Meyer.**

**This story Belongs To me**

**Yes, I Decided To Write A Sequel, lets see how it goes**

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><p><strong>Bella<strong>

**Spent a lifetime**

**Finally found someone**

**Gave him all that I had**

**In love, 'til the dream was gone**

"When did you first fall for me?" Edward asked.

We were at my house hanging out, I as watching a movie while he painted my toenails. I really didn't have to think about my answer to his question, I just knew it from day one.

"Well when I first saw you but that would entail falling for your looks though I did hear there was more to you than your looks" I reply.

"And here I thought you were different" he teased.

"It's true but also I guess I really fell for you when I got to really know you" I explain.

He stops painting my nails and puts the polish on the table; I turn to him waiting for his answer.

"It wasn't love at first sight" he answers.

I'm surprised and kind of offended at his answer, I look to him to explain more.

"You were beautiful of course and every guy wanted you but I didn't, I hardly knew you until we were introduced and I felt for you as a friend until we took that quiz and I saw you were everything I wanted" he explains.

I smile remembering that quiz we took and it was after that quiz when I asked him out on our first date.

"I guess that makes sense" I reply.

"I've always read about love at first sight and I wanted to experience that but then I wanted something original "

"Yeah I was never a hopeless romantic but I would imagine that I could happen to me"

"I guess I should go" he said after some time.

I was startled and disappointed, usually he would stay later until I went to sleep and then he would tuck me in. I tried to think of reasons he could be leaving early and all I could think was that he had a date. I've wanted to ask him but could never get the courage and then I would get angry because in my mind he would be cheating but I never defined this special friendship so he was free to date whomever he wanted.

"You have somewhere better to be?" I asked coldly.

He looked surprised at my tone "Bella I have to go in work early tomorrow" he explained.

I deflated all the anger leaving me and the guilt creeping in; here I was doubting him again and making assumptions. I guess I would need to work on it.

"Oh sorry I thought…." I said lamely.

He nodded "I guess I can understand but no" he said.

I nodded although I wondered would he go out with someone else. It was now or never needed I to ask him.

"Are you dating again?" I asked looking down.

"Honestly I haven't thought of it, I get asked out all the time but I'm practically dating you" he answers.

"I mean we never defined this special friendship so if you want to date its fine" I lied.

"Bella if you don't want me to then I won't, I know you need to trust me again so I understand" he replies.

"Do you want to?" I ask.

"Truthfully no and yes, I want to keep my options open if this doesn't work out but I haven't thought about it. I'm just enjoying my time with you" he says softly.

"Well we should define what we have"

"Yes"

"If you want to date then you can just don't brag about it and don't tell me unless you sleep with her because that would mean this friendship is over" I explain.

"Same applies to you but Bella I'm sure I only want to date you" he says smiling.

"Deal so what time are you leaving?" I ask.

"Should I tuck you in before I leave?" he asks teasing.

I smile "that would be nice" I say.

He walks me to my room and the tension that comes every time we enter the bedroom returns full force. I can see him staring at my bed wishing he could stay the night and I really wish he could. I wish he could cuddle with me until I fall asleep; it's the simple acts that I miss.

"Let me go change" I say grabbing a nightgown and going in the bathroom. I freshen up and brush my teeth before I walk back in the room. He's sitting on the bed holding E.J with tears running down his face. My heart aches because I know what he's thinking.

"Edward?" I call softly.

He wipes his tears "I remember when I gave you this bear, those were some hard times but we made it" he says.

"Yes" I agree wanting to cry too. We had rough patches but none as hard as we are facing now and I wondered could we ever come back from this.

"I didn't think you would keep this but seeing that you did gives me hope" he tells me.

I smile through the pain at his words because if he has hope then I know we can pull through. I crawl under the covers and he tucks me in with E.J, he kisses my forehead softly.

"Here's to a fresh start, good night Bella"

"Good night Edward"

**Time mends a heart  
>You turn the page somehow<br>Oh, there's no looking back  
>The hurt is behind you now<strong>

**Starting over again  
>From the second time around<br>Coming back to win  
>Starting over again<br>Take the first step  
>And let it begin<br>Starting over, starting over**

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><p><strong>I Was re reading TMWM And Then This Idea Formed In My Head And I Had This First Chapter<strong>

**Updates Won't be Frequent but whenever i get the time but i am aiming for Friday/Weekend**

**What do you think?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Bella**

Ghosts of our past selves lingered in every room and memories washed over me over and over. It's been a while since I step foot back in this house. The first house we bought together and someplace we could really call home. I could see us in the kitchen; Edward watching me cook and trying to sneak food. I could see us in the living room; sitting on the couch close together. We would watch TV or read a book. I could hear the laughs that used to be heard and I could see the smiles we shared.

The birthdays and anniversaries that were celebrated in this house and the first time we made love here, we made love in every room. It was like watching a movie of my old life play out for me on a loop. I wished for that time to be now, for the promises and vows we made to never have been broken but I knew it wasn't that easy. That's what struck me we always had it easy with our relationship, we fell together easy and we loved easy.

"This feels right" Edward says brining me out of my thoughts.

"What feels right?" I ask watching him watch me with a perfect smile.

"You being here, it felt empty here without you" he replies.

I sigh knowing exactly how he felt, this would always be home for me and someday I hoped I could come back and stay permanently.

"I know "I agree whole heartedly.

There was one room I was ignoring all together; I don't think I was ready to see the bedroom yet. That room was filled with so many first and lasts and I didn't want to change it in any way.

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><p>I went back to work for the first time since and I was happy to see that Angela wasn't here. I don't think I was ready to see her yet, the last memory of her visit still fresh in my mind. I wanted her out of my life for good but that would mean leaving my job and I loved it too much. I just needed to find a way to get rid of her without losing my job in the process.<p>

I loved the quiet of the library except for the occasional page turning or click of the mouse; I loved the smell of fresh books stacked on the shelves. The feel of being transported to another world where your favorite characters existed and words you loved and read over and over. It was the perfect job.

We were halfway done with work when Irina made an announcement; it was the best announcement to end this perfect day. Angela had decided to leave town and quit and we got a replacement instead. He was tall and too handsome to be working in a library. He seemed like the CEO type but I guess you shouldn't judge a book by its cover.

When it was time to leave Irina called me in to her office to introduce us properly and gave me some good news.

"How would you like a promotion?" Irina asked me smiling brightly.

I laughed "I didn't think librarians got promotions" I said seriously.

She laughed "you're right but Alec here will be taking over your job"

He smiled "yes and I hope I can do the job as good as you"

"So what's this promotion about?"

"Well we're starting our own newspaper and we need someone to write book reviews and I think we're up for the job"

I smiled, what's not to love I get to read books on my time and review. It was perfect.

"Sound's good so what does this entail?"

"5 % more pay and each review will have a deadline. Also you won't have to come into work you could work from home"

"When do I start?"

This was sounding perfect by the minute, I loved my job I was basically getting paid for something I called a hobby.

"I'll let you know a soon we get the new shipments"

All in all a perfect way to end my day, I couldn't wait to tell Edward and share my happiness with him.

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><p><strong>Thank You! Thank You for every review and alert!<strong>

**Early Update In Thanks to you!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Bella**

"_You and Edward huh?"_

_I tried not to show her my face because then she would see every emotion jumping off my face. There was no me and Edward (not in the way I wanted it to be) but I didn't want to ruin our friendship over something that would not work (it could, it should, I would love it) but I was scared of being turned down. So I settled for being his best friend all the while longing to be more. Wanting to prolong the hugs and to stay overnight. Never wanting to leave his side._

"_So what's the plan for tonight?" Asked her ignoring her question all together._

_Hip hop music blasted from speakers and magazines and snack wrappers were spread all over the bed. It was Friday and we were having a girl's night something we haven't done in a while. Ever since Edward came along we've only hung out together less and less. It was always Angela, Edward and I or me and Edward._

"_Come on Bella I know you've liked him since forever" she said._

"_Yes"_

"_So what's stopping you?"_

_I didn't want to risk what we had if he didn't feel the same way but sometimes I think he does._

"_What if he rejects me? Then what?"_

_She scoffed "you know and I know that he won't, I know you can tell when a guy likes you and I've seen the way he looks at you"_

_I was screaming inside and smiling like a fool but that only lasted for second._

"_I'm not sure I have to be sure" I was hesitant._

"_Bella stop stalling!"_

"_I'm not"_

"_You're just scared and if you don't step up now someone else will and it could be too late!" she was angry now._

_I was confused, why should she be angry? But she was right so very right. The thought of Edward with someone else made me sick._

"_Thanks ang!" I said getting up._

"_Where are you going?"_

"_To ask Edward out!"_

_##############################################################################################################_

"This is so predictable" Edward whispered in my ear.

"Then why are you watching it?" I asked while keeping my eye on the screen.

The male character on screen watches the female character run away with tears down her face. He's indifferent but you can see in his eyes that he's putting on a show.

"Because you wanted to watch it and I wanted to spend time with you" he answers.

I smile and squeeze his hand "thanks now please keep quiet"

He doesn't he keeps up a commentary through the whole movie and complains about the cliché elements in Hollywood moving making. He says if he was the character he would go after what he wanted and not care what others thought. He didn't like the movie but I saw him smiling at some parts and I know he enjoyed the end when the male character won the female character back.

He likes the cheesy aspects as well as the next person and I think I saw tears in his eyes but I know he won't admit it. We walk out the movie theater and into the restaurant next door. I ignore every instinct telling me to sit closer to him and lean my head on his shoulder. This feels like a date even though it's not and somehow it feels wrong and right.

Every time the waitress flirts with him and every time a woman eyes him, I get a surge of jealousy and it seems rational. My conscious is telling me to stop playing games and just be with him but my heart is telling it's still wounded and it needs time to heal and in the back of my mind is the question, what if he can heal it for me?

Everything is going fine until the end when we walk out and a blonde gorgeous creature is about to walk in. she recognizes him right away and her whole face lights up. They chat for some time and everything seems innocent. I find out she just started working at the same job and they've hung out quite a bit. Warning bells start to sound off in my head but I ignore them, I tell myself to trust that there is nothing going on here. But then I start to question what if something is going on and I've been blind to it again. What about those times when he's not around me?

I stop myself; I don't need to go down this road again and don't need to sit here and watch him talk to another woman while I'm standing here even if it's innocent (or is it?).

I clear my throat "Edward we need to get going" I tell him touching his arm while looking her in the eye. I need to stake my claim.

He looks at me remorse in his eyes "so sorry Bella I got caught up"

"Kate this is my girlfriend Bella" he introduces us.

I don't correct him but let it go and smile at his words.

"Nice to meet you" I lie and grab Edward ready to leave.

Her eyes narrow and she lets the bomb slip "sure" "Edward call me sometime we need to go out again, I had a fabulous time the other night"

Call her? The other night? And the warning bells come again but loudly this time. I start to walk away feeling cold all over.

"Bella wait up"

"You went out with her and didn't tell me?"

"No..."

"So she was lying? I thought our agreement was that if you went on a date you would let me know?" I continue walking trying to calm down my anger and ignore the pain.

"No it wasn't like that, yes we went out but…"

That's all I needed to hear. I'm angrier at myself for trusting him again and again.

"Let me explain you got it all wrong" he pleads.

"The only thing wrong is thinking we could ever work again" I reply.

I walk past his car and continue up the hill.

"Bella let me drive you home and we can talk about this more"

"I'll walk home"

"You're making a mistake Bella"

I ignore him and walk away.

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><p>I wake up to missed calls and texts from Edward but I delete every single one. Time to erase him from my life once and for all (no matter how much that makes my heart ache). He followed me home but I didn't let him in, he was persistent banging on the door for hours and hours.<p>

He finally gave up at three in the morning and drove away. I should let him explain but I'm tired of explanations and excuses. We were trying and we were getting there, it was easy until he had to make it hard.

I clear my head and get ready for work, no more dwelling on what could have been. I can move on and I will.

I walk outside and am greeted by a familiar face coming from the next door apartment.

"Bella?" he asks surprised.

"Alec I didn't know you lived here"

"Coincidence I guess"

"I've been living here for a year and this apartment seemed empty"

"I just moved here"

"Well welcome to the neighborhood, I'll see you at work"

I walk over to my car watching him in a corner eye; he still looks good in the early morning. He walks over to the bus stop and sits on the bench.

My mouth is faster than my mind and I speak before I think

"Do you want a ride?" I blurt out quickly.

People are surprised when we show up together at work and the rumors start to fly but I ignore it. I report to Irina office to get details on my new job and start immediately. I spend all my work minutes reading books and contemplating about my reviews. I'm so engrossed in reading I almost miss lunch until Alec thoughtfully brings lunch to me.

I drive Alec home after work and we finally have time to talk, I learn that he's an only child like me. He just broke it off with his girlfriend of two years and his dream is to become a writer. I think we could become great friends (and because I am attracted to him somewhat) maybe even more.

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><p><strong>Yes Two Updates because i will be busy this weekend<strong>

**So i'm thinking 10-20 chapters max for this story**

**Thanks again for all the alerts and reviews**

**P.S Chapters are not edited yet so excuse any mistakes**


	4. What i need

**Bella**

**Few Days Later**

Three New Messages.

Two Missed Calls.

All from Edward and all are getting deleted, I'm afraid that if I cave and listen to his message I'll let him in again and that's the last thing I want. I'm over him but not completely lately I find myself dreaming of our high school days when everything was so simple and easy and we were in love. I was so confident that we would never part and I truly believed in forever.

Forever was a long time to be wrong. Forever never lasted. Forever was a lie.

I focused on happy thoughts and those thoughts involved my next door neighbor and co-worker, who was fast becoming a friend. Though I wasn't sure you could call us friends (counting our dates and late night phone calls and the -you hang up and no you hang up first dance). He made me laugh and forget everything.

I was attracted to him that was for sure and I couldn't help but think he liked me too maybe even more. I wanted to act on it but I needed to be sure, I needed to not get hurt again. No matter how sweet he is I can't let my guard down again.

No I wasn't ready, but that didn't mean I couldn't have fun.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0

"What are you reading?" a warm voice interrupted me.

I looked up from my book and smiled at him and almost dropped my book. He was fresh out the shower and glistening wet, with towel wrapped around his waist. He was making it harder not to just jump into anything physical, I wanted to get more comfortable with him before I started anything.

He was too good looking and it was making matters worse, I was hesitant and I never was hesitant. With Edward when I first wanted him I went for it. I shook my head frustrated that he wormed his way into my thoughts again. And then I was thinking of seeing him naked and making love to him and my body was on fire.

"Bella?" Alec interrupted.

"Um, I'm reading the shopaholic series"

"That movie was hilarious"

"Yes"

I wasn't really paying attention to the conversation but watching the water drip down his chest and watched the way the towel hung low. He walked slowly towards me looking me straight in the eye.

"What do you want Bella?" he asked.

_What did I want?_

"I mean what do you want with me?" "I really like you Bella and I enjoy your company but I'm not afraid to admit I want more"

I wanted more and I wanted to feel loved again, I wanted to come home to someone waiting for me. I wanted what I had before, damnit I wanted what I had with Edward. But then I didn't want the extra baggage I didn't want the problems. My head told me my heart couldn't take anymore but my body said it wanted more, it's been awhile since it had more.

Another part of me told me this was a mistake and he wasn't who I should be with. It was telling me I was using him as an excuse to get over my past but I wasn't over it.

My needs won them over; I stopped thinking and started acting. This didn't need to get serious I could have fun without getting too serious and I could guard my heart.

I put my book down and pulled him forward, warm body pressed against me and strong arms wrapped around me. Heat and more heat and then a hint of hardness.

I took what I needed.

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><p><strong>Yes Hi again, so i had some time to write this and update.<strong>

**Short chapter this time.**

**So some time jumps here and that will happen through-out the story.**

**So Edward is persistent eh, why do you think he keeps calling? Should he get a chance to explain himself? Is edward right and Bella IS making a mistake?**

**I'm Bored come chat with me on twitter or on the story forum i want to know your theories.**

**Twitter-his_singer1**

**P.S I LOVE EVERY REVIEW AND THEY MAKE ME WANT TO WRITE MORE**

**Thread-****.net/topic/100271/5**2098239/1/ (Copy and Paste this in browser)


	5. Mistake

**Still no claim on twilight**

**Thanks for the alerts and reviews i really appreciate it!**

**See you at the bottom**

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><p>For the past days and weeks I was happy not the full blown happy but I was content enough. I was doing so good at work I took a vacation with Alec and it was wonderful. We took a trip to his hometown for a few days and then we went camping. I hated camping but it was actually nice.<p>

He had become a permanent fixture in my life we practically lived together but I tried to not have it be a habit. We had a relationship or that's what you can call it, I didn't want serious yet. I was still learning to trust again but he gave me no worry. Alec was perfect and safe; he was too infatuated with me for me to worry about him being unfaithful.

Everyday waking up and going to work I see him and coming from work we're together. Mainly it's just meaningless sex for me, and someone to keep me warm at night. I used to feel bad for using him this way but he assured me he didn't mind and he would take what he could get. I was selfish enough to agree with him, just so I didn't have to be alone. No one should have to settle and here we both were doing just that.

"What's the plan for tonight?" Alec asked trailing kisses down my neck.

Who needs plan when he's making me feel so good?

"Why don't we stay in tonight?" I ask.

He sighs "we stay in every night; I haven't even taken you on a proper date"

I moved away from him, I hated when he got all serious on me.

"I told you no dates"

"No dates but I really want to go out"

I wanted to go somewhere I've never been and where nobody knew me. I couldn't make the same mistake as last year and run into a disaster. He proposed we go a club; we could have fun and eat. I was excited having this be my first time going to a club. I was dressed minutes later in a shimmery tight fitting dress. It was appreciated and I could tell by the looks he was giving me he would reward me later. At the club we were greeted with a thumping bass and fast pace beat. The music moved me and I started to dance. He was on me and near me, hands roaming all over. Body on mine and heat with hardness. I danced up an appetite and we left the floor and entered the bar, I could smell the food wafting in the air and my stomach grumbled in appreciation. Alec led the way up to the counter and I followed looking all around taking in sights. You ever been blindsided? That's how I felt when I saw him and he wasn't alone. I react every time I see him and this time it's good and bad. It's been so long since my eyes seen his face and I'm still attracted. He's here all smile and laughs with that woman Kate and it hurts. I was doing fine pretending I was over him and now this. I'm angry I can see he's wasted no time getting over me. Alec looks back at me to see why I've stopped; he follows my point of attention to Edward. He's joined now by another blonde woman and then a handsome young man. I don't know why I'm torturing myself I could just leave or ignore him but I stay and watch Kate touch his arm intimately and whisper in his ear. It's all a blur, I see red through my vision and my heart is being squeezed from all sides. I can faintly hear Alec call me and feel him touching me but I ignore it until I hear another voice. I know this voice anywhere, the voice belonging to the man I love and hate.

"Bella?" he says with a mix of surprise and guilt and something else.

I swallow hard and get a good look at him in all his glory. My heart is going wild at the sight of him but when I see Kate touching him I have to push back the bile threatening to spill.

"Edward…. Kate" I reply acknowledging them both.

She tightly smiles and pulls on his arm. He whispers something in her ear and she glares at me but stomps pass with the rest of her group. It's just me Alec and Edward, standing in an awkward silence.

"I'm alec" He introduces himself.

I see Edward size him up and look from me to Alec for some time, his eyes narrow but he shakes Alec hand.

"It's good to see you Bella I didn't think you were the club type" he says talking to only me.

"Well I needed a change of scenery" I reply.

He looks uncomfortable his eyes shifting between me and Alec every minute, I relish in this fact and it makes me feel good to see his jealous stares. I like to think he regrets everything he did.

"I've been calling you and I even went by your house but you're never there"

I look down feeling guilty but then I remember he should be the guilty one not me.

"Well you would think when someone ignores your calls that they don't want to talk to you" ire tort.

He smile slightly "I know but I had to try Bella I really need to explain to you what happened that night"

My stomach tightens at the thought of that night, I try not to remember it if I can. The humiliation and hurt is all too much.

"No need, you already explained" I snap turning to walk away.

He rushes after me and grabs my arm to keep me there. I close my eyes against the sensation of him touching me again.

"Bella let me explain, you had it all wrong" he pleads.

"I think you should let her go, she doesn't want to talk to you" Alec says stepping forward.

"Just let me explain and if you still don't want me then I'll go but I can't let you go not knowing the truth"

I scoff and jerk out of his grip, every time I let him back in he always ended up hurting me more.

"The truth is you messed up Edward, you told me you would tell me if you want on a date. It was so simple!"

"Bella I didn't go on a date!"

We were having a heated argument in the middle of a bar and everyone was looking. I was embarrassed and angry. Why was he lying?

"I was there Edward I was right there when she outed you!"

"I'm done with you just let me go"

He went to speak then shook his head and walked away. I expected to feel satisfaction watching him walk away after rejecting him. But it hurt watching him walk away, my night out was ruined. I just wanted to go home and wallow.

"Come on I'll take you home" Alec said putting his arm around me.

Alec drove me home and walked me to the door

"You go ahead I need to get some things" he said.

I shook my head "No I want to be alone tonight"

He nodded and hesitated

"Look Bella I know it's not my place but maybe you should have let Edward explain" he said.

I looked at him shocked

"What he did before was wrong but it was your choice to forgive him so why can't you forgive him now?"

"I gave him too many chances Alec and I'm tired of letting him in only to hurt me"

"Then you should have never let him in the second time"

"What I thought you said it was my choice to forgive him?"

"But you doubt him, Bella I know when a man loves a woman and I could tell from tonight that he loves you and he actually was telling the truth"

Why was he telling me this? Was he trying to change my mind?

"Are you saying I made a mistake?"

"You both made a mistake, his mistake was cheating on you in the first place and I can understand not trusting him but didn't you tell me you doubted him before and you were wrong? "

"I get it, it's a big step trusting him again but do you trust him not to lie to you? Doubting is one thing but doubting him and accusing him of something he didn't do"

"I don't know" I was hesitant to go through this again.

"From what I can tell, his co-worker Kate wants him and she saw you so she made up a lie and it worked"

I felt winded. I was confused. I was conflicted. Could it be true? Could he be telling the truth?

"Look I didn't mean to spring this on you but you needed to know, we can talk about it tomorrow"

He kissed me and walked next door.

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><p><strong>What do you think?<strong>

**So Should she forgive him or does he need to work for it more?**

**Was Alec Right?**

**Come Chat with me on the forum, i also post teasers there every week. If you didn't see the teaser I'll give you the link**

**Next Update- I Usually update this on the weekends but i was aiming for friday/weekend updates. so lets make a deal you review and i'll update tomrrow and next weekend.**

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	6. Forget

I tossed and turned all night trying to get the image of Edward face out of my brain and trying to shake away the nagging thought that Alec may be right. In the end I pretended that night never happened and when Alec would bring it up I would shut him up with the promise of sex. It was a low point for me in my overall life and love life.

I hated using Alec and even though he never complained I knew it was bothering him. I put my issues aside to make him happy and took our relationship to the next level and the constant smile on his face was worth it. I could pretend all I could and then it turned real, I could be happy again and I could date.

Alec was great and so sweet to me and he was patient with me even if I wasn't on the same level with him. We would drive to work together and he would bring me lunch and he was so affectionate in public 9 not like Edward) I found myself going this route all the time. Constantly comparing him to Edward and weighing what he did do and didn't do, it was sick but I didn't know how to stop.

I couldn't forget Edward and what we had but I tried because it wasn't fair to alec and besides Edward hurt me too many times and he lied ( did he or is this what you think?) I was at war with myself and it drove me crazy.

** {Some Weeks Later}**

We was getting ready for bed and with the nights getting colder I was looking for thicker clothes to wear, I searched in my closet to no avail until I came across some sweat pants and sweat shirt. It looked familiar and strange but when I held it in my hand I automatically knew who it belonged to. It smelled like him and I was assaulted with memories of wearing this. Nostalgia hit me hard and I struggled to keep tears at bay.

I could never forget him if I tried and a part of me didn't want to because I found myself forgetting important stuff that I vowed to cherish. I wanted to keep a memory of what was and what could be and every day I find myself thinking have I made a mistake? I wipe my eyes and quickly dress for bed snuggling under the covers. Alec comes in the room half naked and usually I would want him but tonight I'm not feeling it. He sits on the bed and sighs I look at him curiously and he holds out his hand to reveal an old teddy bear.

I haven't seen e.j in a long time I was supposed to get rid of it but I could just throw it away so I hid it. When I see him holding it out to me the scene looks so wrong, I'm transported back in time to when Edward used to give me the bear before we went to bed, I never slept without it.

Alec shouldn't be touching e.j and he shouldn't be in this bed with me, I ignore my thoughts and take the bear from him. I hold it to me waiting to be engulfed in his scent but all I smell is cardboard box and Alec's cologne. It's ruined and not the same anymore, I put it on the table and get ready to fall asleep.

"I saw Edward today" Alec speaks after some time.

Maybe it's because I've been thinking about him a lot or maybe it's because I miss him but my heart beats fast and my stomach flips at the sound of his name.

"Yeah" I try to sound indifferent.

"Yeah he was with that girl Kate" he replies nonchalantly.

I shouldn't care… I shouldn't care I chant to myself but it doesn't stop the rage from boiling and the jealous and hurt. He can date whomever he wants and I can care less I tell myself.

I feel Alec shift on the bed to face me and he's staring at me in concern and I stare back. I know something is wrong when the bit of feelings I acquired for him are no longer there and I want him gone but at the same time wanting him near.

"What?" I ask.

He shakes his head and then speaks "I thought you were over him"

I suck in a deep breath and lie because it's better than the truth and the truth hurts.

"I am" I lie smoothly.

He scoffs "Bella you're wearing his shirt and you still kept that gift he gave you"

Good points but not good enough.

"They were gifts"

He sighs "I saw the look in your eyes when I told you about Kate Bella I can tell"

I turn my head away "why are we discussing this?"

"Because I thought it was fine between us but it's not"

"It is fine, I'm finally yours isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes"

"So what's the problem?"

"Because…"

He doesn't get to speak before I'm kissing him again and then he's over me and it feels nice and he's moaning. I'm not into it but I had to keep him quiet and I think he senses it when he stops. I don't want to hear what he has to say so I pretend like its good and I'm thinking I never had to pretend with Edward which leads me to think about him. It's his face I see now and its him I'm imagining making me feel good.

With his image in my mind I beg alec to go faster but he's going slow and I see this look in his eyes that I can't take because I've seen it before.

"Please" I beg him closing my eyes.

"Please what?"

"Fuck me"

* * *

><p><strong>I Always Try to get an update in way earlier but its always at night anyway what do you think?<strong>

**I Loved everyones response last chapter**

**I'm thinking another update later on tonight, would you like that?**


	7. Too Late

Alec went away this weekend to visit his parents and he invited me but I turned him down ignoring the hurt look on his face. I wasn't ready to meet the parents and it was too soon (truth was I didn't want to meet them). Ever since that night I saw the look in his eyes I've been distancing myself from him trying to find a way to let him down easy.

I know he had stronger feelings for me than I did for him but I never knew it would get this far, he fell for me and I think its love. It scared me and I didn't want his love and I couldn't return or accept it.

I find myself going back to the conversation we had that night I last saw Edward and I remember everything he said. I know now I really wonder if I was right or wrong and it's been on my mind nagging me. I wonder what if I let him explain and would we be together, I wonder and I want the answer to be yes.

I never thought I would regret anything I thought I was so sure I was right because I was. I was hurt and it took a lot to get trust back and I had a right to be angry. (But Bella Edward never lied to you) and again my subconscious was telling me that I may have made a mistake.

It was fine to be hurt and angry but now that I look back I've never seen Edward so adamant about explaining and so truly sorry about anything. My anger and hurt pushed me to not listen to reason and I should have. I should have listened to his messages and I should have never said he could date.

What haunted me every time I closed my eyes was the look in Edwards's eyes, the resigned helpless look. I can usually push it back and forget holding on to the pain and anger but not it's not working, its fading and all I'm left with is regret and maybe guilt mixed with nostalgia.

I used Alec as a crutch because it was the easier choice; it was either accept Edwards's explanation and risk getting hurt again or be with Alec and pretend I care. I was selfish and wrong to use him ND it was wrong for him to let me use him.

I tell myself if I can just get over the anger and hurt and I can spot the truth then I can enjoy being with him but the truth is I will always love Edward. I will always want and need him. He hurt me and I hated and loved him still but seeing him talk to or be near another woman raised my alarm and I don't think that will ever stop yet.

No I will always remember his transgression but I will always remember his love too, and looking back I see things clearer. I see telling him he could date was a test and in my mind he failed but truthfully I failed. It was a test for me too because I failed to not doubt him so much that Alec caught on.

And now I'm stuck between what's right for my heart and what's right for my relationship, I want to know the truth but I don't want the pain and I don't want to hurt alec even more than I did.

{-}

* * *

><p>I'm so nervous and somewhat elated at the same time as I drive to where I need to be. Now that the anger and pain is fading I'm left with after-math feelings and I need to fix it. I think back to the days before Alec left and how he told me he knows I'm not over him but I lied. I couldn't hurt him and tell the truth but he kept persisting saying I'm confused and that I need to figure things out. He wanted me to get clarity and closure and wanted me to talk to Edward again. I shot it down but not I'm seeing it's what I need to do and he may think I'm doing it for him but honestly it's for me.<p>

I pull up to the house I used to call him and hope he's home, I see his car and I get out and walk slowly to the front door. It feels like a long walk to the door and when I get there I hesitate before knocking. It feels so weird not just walking in.

There are several minutes before he opens the door and when he does the breath is knocked out of me. He's shirtless with jeans hanging low on his waist and his hair is unruly, I have to restrain myself from jumping him. I missed this so much and seeing him makes me want to put everything behind us but I can't. I need the truth first I need to know if I made a mistake because if id dint then I can finally move on.

He stares like he's seen a ghost and I can see I still have an effect on him, he swallows loudly and I can see the emotions running through his eyes but the highest one is hope.

"Bella?" he questions still not believing his eyes.

His voice does things to my body; I missed hearing it and now his voice thick with sleep it makes it even sexier.

"Hi sorry to disturb you" I say shyly.

I feel so awkward standing here and unsure. It's an alien feeling.

He nods "what are you doing here?" he asks.

"I came to see you" I lie but tis partly true.

I just can't say I came to see if I made a mistake.

He stares at me "Bella what the hell are you doing here?" he asks again cold this time.

I flinch slightly and I have to admit it hurts but I understand because I saw the hope in his eyes.

"Can I come in and talk?"

This conversation is not meant for outside.

He's hesitant but then he opens the door wider and lets me in, I follow him to the living room. It looks strange and everything is bare. The only thing in here is the couch and a few boxes.

"So what brings you here?" he asks straight to the point.

I sit on the couch and take a deep breath "I've been thinking a lot, well thinking about us and I just can't get that night out my head" I begin.

He stares at me hard "you've made your point clear that night Bella I don't know what you mean"

I sigh "okay so I was angry and hurt and I regret that so much"

He laughs "I wouldn't know Bella I mean you moved on quite fast"

I can see his eyes judging me and I want to retort but I remind myself I came here for answers

"You're right and I'm not happy with it but I need some answers, I think I made a mistake and I can't move on knowing that"

He nods understand and smiles sadly " you want the truth, the truth is I never went on a date with just Kate it was my whole work group that night and that night at the bar the same scenario. I understand you're hesitation to trust me again but I thought we got past the doubting. You promised me you would never doubt me"

My head is swimming and my eyes gather with tears; I open my mouth to speak when he cuts me off

"I understood Bella and I thought if I could explain we could start over and we could take as much time as you needed to trust me again. I loved you enough to understand so I tried to give you space but I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't lose you again but it seemed like you were through and I gave up but a part of me kept hope that it wasn't over"

I can see the sincerity in his eyes and hear it in his voice but also the sadness and I don't know what to do first. Throw my arms around him and beg for his forgiveness. I keep still when I hear him say he loved me, past tense and it hurts so much.

"You loved me?" I ask through my tears.

"Okay so is still loves you, I'll always love you but I've come to terms with the fact that you're never coming back. That night I saw you I saw it as my last chance but then you were with another man and you were so angry and you told me it was over"

I hear the sadness in his voice and its eating me alive.

"Edward I was hurt, I saw what I saw and I heard what I heard" I try to explain.

He shakes his head "I understand Bella but I wasn't with Kate, I know I said I wanted to have my options open. I wasn't sure then if we could make it but that night at the restaurant it felt like we could make it"

Until Kate ruined it

"She told me she wanted me and that I should get over you, she played into jealously and with your trust being severed it only made things worse and I knew I had to try and make you understand I had to try" he trails off with tears streaming down his face.

I'm crying now and I move to go to him but he puts his hand up "Bella I tried telling myself I would never give up on you but you told me it was over so I gave up"

I messed things up so badly that he believed and that I can see in his eyes that he's resigned to the fact that it's over. It's the defeated look coming back to haunt me.

He wipes away his tears "That's the truth but it doesn't matter now"

It matters o it so matters to me now, I was so wrong so wrong but I can fix this. I HAVE to.

"It matters to me Edward god I'm so sorry you don't know how sorry, I doubted you again and I wish I can take it all back. I wish I could erase everything and start over"

"No you've moved on and I don't blame you for not trusting me , I deserved it but what hurts the most is that you were able to move on so fast and that you doubted me again. "

"What was I supposed to think!"

I'm yelling now and crying heavily

"Because you were wrong before Bella, you were wrong and you said you would never doubt me. I thought you knew me better than to make a mistake again when I told you I wouldn't!"

He's yelling now and we've moved closer to each other without realizing. I see the pain in his eyes and its blazing burning me. I have to fix this, I know it will take time but he needs to know how sorry I am. He needs to know I regret it so much, so much.

"I regret it so much Edward I really do, I just was so hurt that I wanted to take the pain away but I never stopped loving you. I pretended I was over you but it was a lie"

He shakes his head and I see the apprehension in his eyes…. The doubt and it cuts me. He doesn't believe me.

"I Love you, you have to know that I could never get over you. I said forever I meant it"

"Then who was the guy?"

A distraction… A Lie

"I was lonely and hurt he was just a distraction, a distraction from the pain nothing more"

He stares at me intently for a while….. So long it's unnerving me.

The tears spill again "you've slept with him" he hisses.

It's a verbal slap and it hurts and it hurts more that I hurt him.

I nod unable to look him in the eye

"Get out" he whispers so low that I almost didn't hear him.

"Edward?" I question.

I need to make sure; I want to chalk it up to something I thought I heard.

"I said get out" he says louder.

"Edward please I made a mistake but I want to fix it please let me fix it" I plead.

He laughs humorless. "You can't fix this; you slept with him I can't get over that"

I rush forward to him throwing my arms around him kissing every inch of skin " I'm so sorry I love you so much, please tell me what to do to fix this" I cry in between kisses.

Heal most melts then stiffens, I can hear his heart racing. He's fighting his feelings.

"Let me go"

"I can't, I won't make the same mistake again"

He pushes away from me angrily "God damn Bella you just can't come here telling me you love me when you fucked him!"

He's so angry now… fuming

Each word is a slap to my face and a cut to my heart but I van; give up now.

"Tell me what to do" I plead.

"Please just go, don't make this harder"

I want to get angry and yell but I keep it to myself and nod. I can give him some time and then I'll come back.

"I'll give you time Edward, I'll give you time to process this but then I'm coming back" I promise him.

He shakes his head "you don't understand, you hurt me Bella hurt me deeply and I want to forget and forgive you but I can't let you back in knowing what you did. I don't need time "

I ignore his words refusing to believe them, he gave me time and I will return the favor.

"It's okay Edward all you need is time and then I'll come back and do whatever it takes"

It's the only way to convince myself that this isn't over.

He sighs "I Won't Be here"

I look at him confused, his eyes dart to the boxes an back and then I understand.

"I'm leaving Bella; I'm going back to forks in a few days"

"Why!" I whisper yell.

"To be away from you but mostly it's where I'll start my new job"

My world is falling apart and his words cut through me and I'm left holding myself together.

"You're leaving me?" I whisper.

"You left me Bella" he states.

"But I love you" I say grasping at straws.

"I love you to but it's too late" he says coldly.

My breath is coming in short gasps and my vision is blurry with tears, I take a step toward him and I hear him take a step back.

"You need to leave Bella, I'm sure Alec is waiting for you" he says and I hear him opening the door.

I can't move, I'm numb with shock that it's over. He's leaving me…. He's going far away. He doesn't want my love.

I'm crying so loudly I don't hear him near me until he speaks "Bella please don't cry I can't deal with it. I wish it wasn't this way but it is" he says voice anguished.

I cling to him whispering my sorrow and regret and my grief and love. I feel him lift me up in his arms and then he's walking. He stops and puts me down by the door. I cling to him harder.

"Do you have a way to get back?" he asks.

I nod not able to speak.

He sighs and goes back in for a minute and then he comes out with his keys and clothes.

"I'll take you home and you can come back for your car another time" he says.

I'm still in shock as he drives me home, I'm convinced that this is a dream or a nightmare and when I wake up it will go away. He stops in front of my house waiting for me to move.

"Bella please I have to work soon" he says.

I nod and get out the car….. I'm moving without feeling without thinking. I'm still convinced this is a dream.

"Bella?" he says.

I stick my head in the window and we're staring at each other, I stare into those green eyes filled with pain and love and he close his eyes before kissing my forehead so softly.

"Take care sweet heart, good Bye" he says and then he's driving off.

I watch him drive away and when his car is out of sight I come out of my shock and I'm left with all these feelings rushing back. I fall to the ground breaking down completely.

* * *

><p><strong>It had to be done<strong>

**Thanks for every review, i've read them all and responded.**

**This chapter was mean't to be short but it became 7 pages long... Writing this made my heart hurt... i went deep from experience with this.**

**We will get to the good parts soon and HEA Is A Promise This time.**

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**See You Next Week!**


	8. Thinking Of You

After my complete breakdown in the middle of the sidewalk (which alerted neighbors who almost called the cops) I fell into a dreamless sleep. I woke up emotionally drained and having no more tears left the anger came back. I was angry at myself and angry at him, angry at myself for letting this happen and angry at him for making me feel this way. I did feel a little guilty for doubting him but if it wasn't for him then none of this would have happened.

It didn't matter how angry I was because the pain never ceased and no matter what I still missed him, and then I felt guiltier because I had a boyfriend and I was still feeling for my ex-boyfriend. I couldn't help it if I tried I was so tired of fighting my feelings and pretending I had other feelings. It just made it that much worse when I was confronted with the truth.

Somehow I made myself believe that he would be back and that he still loved me, I could admit I hurt him unintentionally even though we weren't together but I could understand because I would react the same way.

The main issue was the relationship I was in now and the reason why I started a new relationship, it was a selfish reason and it would do more harm than good. I was tired of leaning on someone else for my happiness. I couldn't depend on Alec to feel the void although he will try I just couldn't pretend anymore.

I know what I wanted but the problem was getting what I wanted, no days or years and no mistakes will diminish my love for Edward and I would always be reminded of wrong actions. Maybe I should have waited longer for us to start any kind of relationship, it would be too tiring to look at everything with doubt filled eyes and I know it would hurt him and me.

Was it asking too much to have solid proof besides his word that he wouldn't make the same mistake again? I was entitled to want and need solid proof; I was entitled to know that without a doubt that he loved me. I wanted to erase our last encounter from my memory; I wanted to erase the look from his eyes. The resigned look I never wanted to hear those words of giving up from him.

I needed a distraction until I figured out where to go from here, a stable distraction that didn't involve sex with another man besides Edward. I needed a distraction from the images of Edward with another woman, I didn't want to think what he could be doing now and I wanted the assumptions to stop.

I decided to go grocery shopping to keep my mind off of things but I was finished too quickly so I decided to clean the apartment. I cleaned the whole bathroom and kitchen, re arranged the living room/dining room. While I was cleaning I came across a few of Alec belongs lying here and there absentmindedly putting them in a box. Cleaning put me in a clear and clam state but that didn't last, my cell rang and I immediately recognized the number calling. I deleted the contact out my phone but this number will always be programmed in my mind and heart.

I was hopeful that I knew the reason why he was calling but of course doubt crept in my mind and I wavered whether to answer or not. I knew if I heard his voice one last time I would break again and that's the last thing I needed. I let the phone go to voicemail and decide to check it later.

The thought of the little icon flashing on my phone distracted me while I made dinner but I gave up halfway and reached for my phone, I took a deep breath and listened.

"**Bella I don't know if you meant what you said but I'm regretting what I said, I was hurt and angry but I should be mad at myself. My actions led us here but I just wish you would understand that I will never make that mistake again; I guess my word isn't enough and it would be too much to ask you trust me on this. I need you to know that I do still love you Isabella and that will never change and the harder I try to forget you, it makes it harder on me.**

**Pause…..**

"**I miss you so fucking much, all the times I wished you would show up at my door and then when you did show up I was unprepared. I might have reacted harshly and I'm truly sorry if I hurt you , can I say that the thought of you with someone else makes me angry but I can't blame you, whatever makes you happy. I'm trying Bella and I'm going to fix us but I need your help, I need you to tell me if it's worth fixing. Do I have another chance or should we just leave it at this? I'm leaving for forks tomorrow; let me know your decision. I love you"**

I was already crying before I noticed, he sounded so broken but I could hear the love in his voice. His voice warmed me and wrapped me in a loving embrace but I could detect the hint of sadness. He wants this but he doesn't want the doubt and accusations, I don't know if I can automatically trust him because he wants me to, I need to feel the trust myself.

I replayed his message over and over wondering how he was going to fix us all the way in forks, my mind and heart wasn't ready for a long distance relationship. I ate a quick dinner and after a bath I fell asleep with his voice playing in my ear.

* * *

><p>I woke up to Alec watching me sleep with a sad smile on his face; he was under the covers but fully dressed watching my every movement. It unnerved me and I tried to figure out if I did or said anything in my sleep.<p>

"Good morning" he spoke.

"When did you get here?" I asked.

Not sure how I felt about him watching me.

"An hour ago" he replied.

"Welcome back" I said.

He smiled and leaned over to kiss me but I moved quickly and stood by the bed. He looked confused and hurt but I couldn't let him touch me after what happened with me and Edward. I practically cheated and the guilt mixed with me not wanting him to touch me made me reject his affections.

"I need to shower" I said quickly and ran to the bathroom.

I tried to stay in the shower long to delay his questions but I knew I couldn't avoid it forever; I debated how to break it to him. The only reason I stuck with him was because with me pretending I was over Edward I convinced myself that one day I could love Alec back. That I owed it to him to at least try and because I didn't want to be alone, the sex was good not great but good enough. I felt dirty thinking of how I used him and used myself; I tried to scrub away any traces of him and any smell.

When I came from the shower he wasn't in the room and I could dress in peace, I grabbed my phone and saw I had a missed call from Edward. My heart beat in anticipation and for the first time I smiled a real smile, I thought he had given up and this sealed my decision. I wouldn't call him back until I sorted this out with Alec. I found him in the kitchen making a simple breakfast; I smiled at him and sat at the table.

There was a comfortable silence until he brought our breakfast to the table and turned to me, his eyes begged me for answers, answers I'm sure he didn't want to hear and that I didn't want to give.

"Your car is missing" he spoke.

"I left it at Edwards place"

There was a split second of silence before he spoke again

"What is your car doing there?"

"I went and spoke with him like you said but I mainly went because I wanted to"

He nodded "did you get the answers you needed?"

"Yes" I got what I needed and more.

"Did it change your mind?"

I nodded

"Alec, I can't keep pretending I'm over him and I can't lie to you and myself any longer"

He shook his head "its okay Bella I don't need too much, just you"

He reached for my hand and I moved it out he way, I ignored the tears running down his face

"No it's not okay and if I keep telling myself that it is then it will only hurt us in the long run"

He stood up abruptly coming round to me, he tried to reach for me again but I couldn't comfort him now. I would lose all my resolve, I hurt him enough and I can't do it again.

"We can make this work" he whispered.

I shook my head "No I don't want to make this work Alec and it's not fair for me to use you when you have feelings that I don't"

"You love me and I should have ended this when I found out, you love me and I can't accept your love"

I went and grabbed his packed belongings in boxes setting it by the door; I couldn't look him in the eye knowing the pain I caused. He looks up to speak then he shakes his head and opens the door, I watch him leave with guilt and close the door when someone knocks. I open the door to find a delivery man holing a bouquet of lilies

"Isabella swan?" he asks.

I nod and he gives me the flowers and a clipboard, I sign the clipboard and he smiles.

"Have a nice day"

I close the door holding the bouquet smelling the fragrance; I smile inwardly feeling good all over. Lilies are my favorite flowers and I'm touched that someone remembered. When I unwrap the flowers and see a small card. I open the card and read the words with a wide smile and warm heart.

**It reads: Thinking of you, Edward**

* * *

><p>Progress?<p> 


	9. Back To The Beginning

"Thank you for the flowers" I say.

"Thank you for calling me back, my reaction was uncalled for" He replies.

It was but truthfully I understand, if we were in reverse situations I would have responded the same way or even worse.

"It's fine… I'm just glad that you're not giving up…" I trail off.

"You're worth it" he says.

I count to five before I ask the question that's been on my mind.

"You told me you didn't want to go back, does that still stand? What are we doing here?"

I need more confirmation or a vow of some sorts.

"It's up to you, whatever you choose I support all the way"

"I choose you"

It's always been him... no matter how hard I tried to deny it.

"I'm glad" he says in relief.

So where do we go from here? He's halfway across the world and I have no intention of going back to forks, it's selfish but I want him to come back for me.

"Are we going to try this long-distance?" I ask hesitantly

He sighs "I want to say yes but you have to tell me what you want"

"I don't think long distance would work….. I'm not ready for it" I answer truthfully.

He's away from me where he could be doing anything he wants and with whomever he wants and I can't tell him what to do. I have no claim and a claim is what I want.

"I know you're not ready to trust me with long distance even though it would be good to try, I don't want to jump into anything. I want to take it slow"

I sigh in relief

"I want a relationship with you but I don't think you're ready and I want to go back to the beginning"

I'm hurt and disappointed….. I want the claim but I can't without his permission.

"Oh"

He hears the disappointment in my voice "Bella I love you, I'm not saying I don't want to be with you I just want to start over. I want to get to know you again and maybe we can start dating"

My heart rate picks up when I hear him say those words and his voice sends a wave of lust over me and I smile widely at his proposition, he wants to woo me and go back to the basics. I like this idea and I wouldn't mind wooing him either.

"I Love you too, and I love this idea"

"You don't know how good it feels to hear those words"

"Oh Edward I do, I really do"

* * *

><p>It's a slow work day and with more people out of work I have to take on extra roles, it's tiring and awkward. Usually I work half the day with my new promotion but sometimes when we need an extra hand I'm here filing or making extra orders and now with more than a few people off its double the work with an eight hour work day. It's awkward because I see alec more and though I try not to feel guilty I still do and even though he's pleasant to work with I see him giving me these looks and I see the pain in his eyes still.<p>

I wouldn't bother worrying but when I hear directly form him that he's not over me and he's miserable because of me, it doesn't bode well. When they heard of our break-up one of our coworkers asked him out but he declined looking directly at me telling her he wasn't over his last relationship and he would need time. I felt so shitty and I tried apologizing letting him know that I do really regret what did, I even ask him to lunch he always decline.

Besides that, phone calls and texts from Edward help make my day go by faster and make my week, he calls me every day just to tell me good morning or good night and sends me flowers with little notes. I also enjoy his texts of remember when?

_Remember when you asked me out on our first date?_

_Yes I was so nervous but I had to_

_Remember when I told you I loved you for the first time?_

_It was so simple yet it was more than I ever hoped_

_Remember when I wasn't so far away?_

_So much… I miss you_

* * *

><p><strong>March 29<strong>**th**** 2001**

"**So" Edward says looking at me from the side.**

**I smile "no more questions" I reply.**

**I'm so nervous on the inside but on the outside I'm the picture of ease, my mind goes through so many negative thoughts that could happen on this date. I was shocked he even agreed to go in the first place.**

"**I need to know if I dressed for the occasion" he says.**

**I peek at him and his outfit of a white t shirt and black vest with tie and black dress pants and black and white adidas. His outfit is fine and so is he; the shirt/vest is snug and accentuates his great body. I stifle the moan I want to let out.**

"**You look fine" I say. **_So so fine_

**He smiles "you look perfect" he says staring at me intently.**

**I duck to hide my red face; he has a way of making me come undone. I eye my outfit of a red sundress and black sweater with red high tops. The dress accentuated my curves and showed ample cleavage, I peek at him and find him checking out my cleavage. He quickly looks away hiding a smile.**

**I drag the bag I'm carrying slowly across the ground but pick up speed when we get closer to the trees, we're almost at the destination and I'm relieved and terrified. Relived that we made it here without any trouble and terrified of what he will think.**

**I push the trees to the side and walk through the arch way leading to a small meadow complete with a pond and unobstructed view of the skyline. I peek at Edward and see him in awe and my relief is stifling.**

"**We're here" I say.**

"**Where is here?" he asks.**

"**Welcome to the meadow" I reply.**

**I named it the meadow, it seems cheesy but to me it's fitting.**

"**It's beautiful" he says.**

**I nod and walk over to a spot in the grass and unpacks the bag, I take out the blanket and spread the food and drinks out. Edward comes and helps me looking at the food curiously.**

"**I thought a simple dinner would be best and I like it here" I say shyly.**

"**It's perfect Bella"**

**We eat in silence before he speaks up "I'm glad you asked me out, I thought you seemed to like me but I wasn't sure but I was biding my time before I asked you out"**

**I squeal quietly at this information that he was going to ask me out.**

"**I do like you" I say truthfully. **I_More than just like you._

"**I had to see if it was genuine, you don't know how many girls say that but it's the half-truth"**

"**Half-truth?"**

"**They don't like "me"; it's my looks they like"**

**I completely understand because that's how it was for me in the beginning but I don't want to ruin the night by telling him.**

"**I like you for who you are"**

**We pack up early because it looks like it will rain, I feel lighter on the way back and I can't help the smile that's on my face. It went better than I expected and he seemed to enjoy it. When he takes my hand and gives me a sweet smile I can't help the content sigh that escapes my lips. He walks me to my door and strangely I'm not nervous about this part, I tell him I had a great time and steel myself for what happens next. I lean forward to kiss him on the cheek when he surprises me by capturing my lips in his, he pulls me closer and I wrap my arms around him.**

**My heart is beating like a drum and my body feels like it's on fire, he tastes like cherry and sweetness. His tongue begs for entrance and it turns into an intense French kiss and I'm lightheaded and dizzy, I pull away to catch my breath and he continues kissing down my neck and jugular. I shiver in pleasure and he pulls me tighter against him that's when I feel his attraction against my middle and I fight the urge to press against it.**

**I pull away "I think we should stop" I say out of breath.**

"**I think so too but I don't want to" he agrees.**

**I smile "there's always tomorrow"**

**He pulls back kissing me one last time "I hope so and the next day and many after that"**

**I don't miss the implication of his words but my smile tells him I agree.**

"**I'm so happy you asked me out"**

"**I'm so happy you said yes"**

"**I'll always say yes"**

"**Promise?"**

"**Always and forever"**

* * *

><p><strong>Almost Didn't get an update, totally was lacking in motivation and not feeling well.<strong>

**I Don't think we will get an update next week due to school but we will see.**

**Loved The Response To The Last Chapter**


	10. Surprise

_Good Morning Beautiful_

The loud buzzing beside my head wakes me up, I'm still groggy and disoriented as I search for my phone. I'm wide awake now that I see it's a text from Edward and my face can't help smiling, I haven't heard from him since two weeks ago even the flower deliveries stopped. I told myself there was a reason and to not jump to conclusions even while my mind conjured up images of him finding someone else.

_Good Morning Handsome_

_Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you always_

It felt so good to hear this because I was really failing with the no assumptions part

_I was starting to think you forgot about me_

It was the truth

_Sorry been working late nights_

_No worries how are you?_

_I'm okay how are you?_

Wonderful and afraid that he will forget about me and wanting to just leave everything and go to him.

_Good_

_I miss you so much, I love his job but sometimes I think of dropping everything and coming back to you_

This is why I love him and why I won't give up because he says things like this and makes everything so much better.

_I miss you too though E.J keeping me company_

I've started going to sleep with E.J and wearing his sweatshirt every night to quell the loneliness

_I'm glad I have to go now but I'll call you later_

_I Love you_

_I love YOU_

* * *

><p>I was a long day at work and what made it worse was the extra and unnecessary work I had to do, there were orders that should have been put it in and overdue notices had to be sent out. The tip of the ice berg was that the normally quiet library turned into a noisy hall with a read-a-thon going on and only three staff working it was a mad house.<p>

Alec still worked there and he seemed to hate me but then asked me out to lunch, I was confused and I was swamped with work I declined and told him we don't have time for lunch with everything that needed to be done. He took it as me rejecting him and the old rejection still lingered, he gave me the cold shoulder the rest of the day. I should have felt bad but the guilt didn't come just irritation but I wasn't irritated with him only, after hearing from Edward the day before I expected to hear from him more but all I got was silence and it did nothing to lessen my fears. I was doing well with not doubting him and trusting him not to hurt me again.

Driving home alone again just added onto my bad day and the no messages from my phone mocked me, I tried calling him but it went to voicemail. I threw the phone in frustration and tried not to break down and cry. I almost tripped over something by my door; I opened the door and turned on the light to see. There was a vase of roses and a package with balloons tied to it, my heart sped up and my body was doused in relief. He hadn't forgotten about me and there were extra gifts, I took everything inside and put it on the table. It was then I noticed the words on the balloon and I wanted to cry in happiness.

They said: Happy Friendversary

I was so happy because if it wasn't for him it would have slipped my mind, I don't know how I could ever forget but he reminded me to remember

I opened the package to find all of my favorite snack foods; cheese popcorn, white chocolate pretzels, crystalized pineapples, jar of pickles, and a bag of snickers. I opened the card that fell out and read it with tears brimming my eyes, this was the best gift ever and just what I needed to fix my bad day.

_Bella, I hope you didn't think I would forget today. Happy Friendship Anniversary the best thing I ever did was be your best friend first and you lover second, enjoy the snacks._

_P.S I Remember roses being your second favorite flower and they make me think of you. I hope to see you very soon_

I went to bed the happiest in a very long time

* * *

><p>The whole staff was back to work and there was hardly anything to do but stayed anyway catching up on some reading. Turns out they had ate some bad Mexican food and was very sick, I wanted to be sympathetic but they owed me so much. I practically ran the library by myself so I was hoping for an extra raise.<p>

I left to run some errands and came back to a madhouse again, it seemed like everyone was here to use the computers or to renew their library card and add to that with a small book fair happening later on it kept us busy the whole day and we even stayed open for another hour. By nine I was ready to go home and take a long bath and relax maybe purge on some junk food and watch a movie. Although I was really hoping Edward would call.

I was ready to leave when Irina stopped me and asked did I want to go out with everyone, I wanted to decline but she said it was her treat and she really owed me after working when I didn't have to. I agreed and we went to a bar and grill, it was a good idea to let loose and have some fun. I even danced with Alec most of the night but put an end to it when he wanted more. I told myself I won't feel guilty anymore and checked my phone for messages, I drove home happy but still sad to not hear from Edward, Though I remembered the flowers and gifts. When I pulled up to the house my headlights flashed across a lump lying across my doorstep. I got out the car and saw that someone was fast asleep near the door leaning on a suitcase. I wondered if it was a homeless person but when I got closer my heart beat erratically when I saw the hair and profile.

The lump jerked awake and stood up when he heard me come closer, yes it was him my mind told me.

"Edward?" I whispered.

His face broke into a wide smile "Bella!"

I wasted no time in running to him and wrapping my arms around him crying happily. I inhaled his scent and clung to him hoping he wouldn't fade away and that this wasn't a dream.

He chuckled "can we go inside?"

I jumped down to open the door and went inside; he followed bringing his suitcase and shut the door. I turned on the lights taking him in; I missed seeing his smile and those green eyes. His hair in disarray and the dimples on his cheek.

"Surprise" he said.

"I missed you so I took a few days off and came to see you" he said moving closer

I hugged him again tightly happy tears running down my face "I'm so glad you're here"

"I know I said I wanted to take things slow but I have to kiss you right now" he murmured staring at me intently.

I stared into his eyes seeing them darken by the second and pulled his face forward, the second his lips touched mine I was far gone. Kissing him was like coming alive again, and every pull and push of his lips touched me deeply. I was molded into him now and unconsciously grinding into him, I felt his arousal and I touched it softly. He sucked in a sharp breath and pulled back

"I said slowly and we don't stop then I'll break my promise" he said leaning his forehead against mine.

"I understand"

"I missed you so much and here you are beautiful as ever"

I blushed burying my face in the crook on his neck "I missed you more, going crazy waiting for your calls"

"I wanted to surprise you"

"I know and thank you for the gifts"

"I'm glad you liked them, its part of my wooing plan"

"I want to do something for you"

"Bella you are, you're giving me another chance and trusting me with your heart. It's more than enough"

"I Love you"

"I love you too, now take me to bed sweetheart"

* * *

><p><strong>Early Update FTW<strong>

**You Guise Leave The Best Reviews**

**So what's your favorite foods, what would be included in care package?**

**Do you celebrate friendship anniversaries?**

**Oh and the chapter at the end i forgot to add that it was a flash back and that's why it was in bold**

**Also we have a few time jumps here and in the last chapters (Character Break Lines)**

**I'm thinking we have about 5-9 chapters left ( 19 or chapters max)**


	11. Smile

I was warm and wrapped in a circle of arms; I moved closer to the heat and opened my eyes. Edward was sleeping soundly with a small smile on his face; I smiled to myself watching him sleep so peacefully and feeling at peace myself. It's been a while since we slept in the same bed and I've never felt so safe and warm. Just the simple things can make me appreciate so much, I still can't believe he's really here and I wonder how long will he stay.

I continue watching him thinking of all the things we went through to get here and I have to say it was worth it. I contemplate getting up but it feels so right here in his arms, I look at the time groaning at the fact that I still have to get up and go to work. Irina never told me if I was still needed in the main office and I now I have to go in and make sure.

"You're lovely"

I turn to see Edward smiling at me "Good morning" I whisper.

"Yes it is a good morning" he says tightening his arms around me.

"I don't want to move but I have to work"

He nods kissing my forehead "I guess I'll see you later"

That one small kiss turns into another and then we're making out completely and I'm in a world of bliss, my arms are around his hard body and he's over me with my legs around his waist. It's a compromising position and one I would take advantage of but I don't want it to be quick and over.

"I should let you go" he sighs.

"Yes" I agree.

He presses against me and I can feel all of me and I'm immediately aroused, I push back against him testing the boundaries and we slowly experiment. The friction is amazing and before long we're panting and moaning and I'm so close to letting go, he senses and with one last push we're both coming down.

"So good"

"So good"

"And after work it will be even better"

* * *

><p>"Will you ever stop smiling?" Irina asks teasingly.<p>

"I don't think so" I say.

I smiled all morning and in the shower, I smiled at breakfast and on the way to work and I haven't stopped since. Who knew smiling was so easy and natural and now I have a reason to smile and to want to smile. The reason is on my mind, thinking of him at home wandering around my apartment and cooking in my kitchen. It leads to a pleasant image of him doing this permanently and I can remember a time when it was that way.

"Who is it?" she asks.

"Edward"

"Edward the ex?"

"The one and only"

"So alec never stood a chance"

"I guess not"

We looked over at Alec and even though the guilt never went away I can't be bothered by it now, he seems to be happy laughing with a co-worker and if he's happy I'm happy.

"You know I asked him out before"

Not surprising he is attractive "really?"

"Of course he wanted you but last night I thought there was something there"

"Then go for it"

"I mean are you okay with it?"

I laughed "we're not friends, you're my boss and you can date whoever you want"

She smiled "even Edward?"

I turned to her "just because you're my boss don't think I won't destroy you"

* * *

><p>"Edward?" I called.<p>

"In here"

"What are you doing?"

"I was going to cook but I decided to order out"

"That's fine"

He walked over and lifted me off the floor and threw me over his back, I laughed surprised.

"What are you doing?"

"I missed you" he said simply.

"I missed you too but what are you doing?"

"Showing you just how much I missed you" he said slapping my ass.

"Please do" I said.

* * *

><p><strong>I Know no updates in forever but i'm busy with school. Good news is its winter break so next update is tomorrow.<strong>

**Well one more chapter left so that will be the last update**


	12. Home

I Know i said next update was soon but you know, anyway hope you enjoy!

And Here We Go... One Last Time

* * *

><p>"I wish you didn't have to go" I sighed.<p>

He took me in his arms and kissed me with passion before pulling back "I know and I wish I was selfish enough to stay here but I'm needed"

These past few days were like no other it was like meeting for the first time, I would wake up next to him and see him after work and he would be waiting with dinner and then we'd make love over and over.

"I'm afraid to say that if I do go I'll be destroying everything we worked for" he said sadly looking at my face.

I'm not sure what I looked like but I felt sad already and I felt like begging him to stay and to make him feel guilty. We said we would take it slow but we didn't follow our own rules and after everything I knew we were more than friends and maybe if we were just friends I would have a problem with him leaving but long distance was something I wasn't ready for, when I didn't know if he was mine or not I could deal with him being far away from me but now I didn't trust him or myself.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because Bella of my stupid mistakes I made and the fact that I broke your trust, I don't think your trust extends this far" he replied sadly.

He looked so sad with hunched shoulders and I should feel happy about this and then demand that he stay but I couldn't. I couldn't because I said I would try and work on my trust and he was so repentant, I didn't forget the letters and flowers he sent every day and the fact that he came on his own.

I didn't forget his progress and my progress so I couldn't be happy; the sight of him like this hurt my heart and made me feel bad. Here I was only thinking of me and my feelings when we were in this together, he came to see me when he shouldn't have when he was really needed. He still wanted me after my mistake I made and I knew if I really begged and if I asked he would quit his job and come back here.

I moved closer to him wrapping my arms around him "Edward I said I would work on trusting you and you have given me no reason to think otherwise. Even though I would like for you to stay you need to go and I'll still be here loving you and trusting you"

He held me tightly "Tell I to stay and I'll stay Bella, I'll make this sacrifice for you because you deserve it. Let me show you I want this"

Instinctively the words were on the tip of my tongue and the happiness spread through me but I pushed it back, I couldn't be that selfish and not give anything in return. I know he wanted that job and I was proud of him for saying this, he would do anything I want. It wasn't about not trusting him anymore, it was about trusting that he really loved me and would never hurt me again and I know now. Hearing him say those words reaffirmed what I needed to know, he gave me something to hold on to.

"No Edward I trust you" I said firmly.

"I love you" he said.

"And I love you"

"I will be forever sorry for making you ever doubt that I love you"

I shushed him and pulled him closer to me "I know and now you need to show me one last time"

He loved me with his hands and his lips and his body, I never felt as connected to him as this moment as he hovered over me moving inside me looking into my eyes. He gave and I took and together we loved.

* * *

><p>I watched him walk away from me with a heavy heart but with a smile on my face touching the necklace he gave me. It was a heart and it was his, I would carry it with me always. I didn't want to do anything but go home and crawl under the covers with e.j and happy memories but then there would be reminders of him everywhere and I was this close to calling him back.<p>

I decided to go into work and for a while it took the sadness away and it kept me busy but I kept checking my phone for messages and missed calls, I told myself he didn't land yet and to be patient but I needed to hear his voice.

"Where is the smile you wore all last week?" Irina walked up to me.

"Edward had to go back"

"I don't know how you can survive long distance"

"I don't know either but we'll make it work"

That was my promise to myself that we'll make it work, that I would only think positive thoughts and before I know it he'll be back visiting again and I could talk to him every day and we could video-chat but it wouldn't be the same.

"So what's keeping you here?" she asked.

I was confused but in the back of my mind I asked the same question.

"I mean what's holding you here? There's nothing here for you is there?"

There was something here or someone, we promised that we would be together always. And now he was somewhere while I was stuck here, but what was keeping me stuck? I know we had memories here but we could always make new memories.

"Nothing is keeping me here except the promise of Edward coming back" I replied.

"So?" she asked.

"So" I said.

I had a feeling she was making a point and that I might know what she meant because I thought of it a lot. It would make everything so much easier and make me happier.

"What are you waiting for Bella?"

This was crazy and yet perfect at the same time

"I just can't uproot everything so quickly and leave" I said making excuses for some reason.

She sighed "you told me what he said about staying here if you wanted so if he would then why wouldn't you?"

"You love him right?"

"Of course!"

"Then show him, don't wait around for him to do something special. "

"I should" I said smiling now.

The thought was exciting and so tempting and it would fix everything, I realized I was waiting for him to just drop everything and stay without asking what I wanted. I was relying on him for everything and it wasn't fair because he needed me too, he needed assurance and now I would give it to him.

I never thought I would be the type to just drop everything for love, to blindly follow love but this was different. This was Edward and he would always matter. I raced home from work booking an early flight packing a few bags quickly.

I saw that I had a message from Edward finally but I ignored it for now, I had somewhere to be and someone to see. I walked into the airport for a different reason the second time today, my steps hurried and my heart lighter. My phone buzzed with another text from Edward and my face split into a wide smile reading his message.

_I Miss you… wish you were here_

I boarded the plane with one last thought

_Wish Granted_

The plane ride was a few long hours but to me it seemed short I was tired but sleep could come later because for now I was going to make someone very happy and get my happily ever after. I caught a cab from Port Angeles to forks; it was like being transported back to my childhood but most of all to my early life with Edward.

I walked up the familiar driveway to my second home with nervousness and excitement pulsing through me. Each step synced with every heartbeat, I walked up the steps and put my bags down on the porch. I took out my phone sending Edward a final message before I knocked on the door.

_Your wish my command_

It took three knocks before the door opened; there he stood perfect and beautiful with his phone in his hand reading it with confusion.

I cleared my throat "Hi" I said smiling heart fluttering.

His heard jerked up and his face tuned form confusion to shock into a blinding smile before he pulled me into him with a searing kiss that heated me down to my toes.

"Welcome Home"

* * *

><p><strong>There you go... Finally Happily Ever After<strong>

**Thanks And Love To Every Single Reviewer even if you reviewed only once, Every comment counted and i read each and every one.**

**I Wish this was longer but i didn't want to drag the story out so i hope you're happy with the way it ended because i am.**

**Keep Reading And Reviewing And I'll keep Writing, You Guys Make It All Worth It**

**Lastly, Shout out to-Kgunter34, Vampiregurl ,Taintedvile, DawnsWhimsy,Garnet Allen,Lee217 ,SexyMama25, My Constant Reviewers Who I Always look forward to reading their reviews. EVERY Review Counts Just some special Thanks.**


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